Still Hate Money

Or rather my personal lack of it..

I looked online at my balance in my checking account. Turns out that rather than just one overdraft charge, they keep charging me every day or two, whatever amount they feel like, for keeping a negative balance. It's like a freaking credit card. They just keep screwing me and making it even harder to catch up. And to whoever left the comment last time, I AM LOOKING FOR A JOB!!! I had one in Aberdeen through school, but at home for the summer is another story. I had a good interveiw last week, but I haven't heard back from them yet. It's gonna take my first paycheck just to get a positive balance. IM SO PISSED!!!!!!! I'm so glad that I am going to college, so that I can hopefully have a real job when I grow up, so that my kids don't have to live way under the poverty level like I've had to do all my life.

Favorite Songs Of The Moment

As of May 31:

Incomplete - Backstreet Boys
Just A Lil Bit - 50 Cent
Behind These Hazel Eyes - Kelly Clarkson (WHY????)
BYOB - System of a Down

Updates

Well, I still haven't seen H2G2 (Hitchhitcker's Guide to the Galaxy). I don't think it's in theaters anymore...oh well. I was gonna buy it when it came out no matter what. AND GUESS WHAT?! Daniel bought me a new computer, and it plays DVDs, so now I can watch my movies (my at-the-time BRAND NEW DVD player "mysteriously" stopped working while "sitting untouched" at school when I went home for the weekend during first semester...) so I have been without for awhile, so I'm pretty excited right now.

My rummage sale kinda sucked. Well, in the sense that I sat outside for 4 hours and still had two boxes full of stuff to pack up and bring back inside. Even when I left the tables unattended for an hour, no one even wanted to steal anything...It was OK, though, I guess. I made about $20 because I sold 4 larger items. No one bought my books...I guess no one likes Goosebumps or Babysitter's club anymore. Even the used book store in Watertown won't take them. I was smart though, and I took all the books they would take there, and ended up with $10 store credit. Hopefully they will get some Douglas Adams books that I don't have yet. (HINT for my birthday: Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul)

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AND WHY, ON BLUE'S CLUES, DOES BLUE LIVE WITH STEVE, BUT MAGENTA HAS HIS OWN HOUSE??? (Is magenta a boy? Blue is a girl, I'm fairly certain. Crap! Why don't I know these things???) -----> This is what makes Nickelodeon so thought provoking. MY MIND IS BEING STIMULATED TO THE POINT OF ORGASM!!!!!!

This Is Educational TV?

OK, so I'm watching Dora The Explorer (it's early in the morning and I have had two cups of coffee)

Anyway, Dora's mom is having a baby, and Dora and boots need to get home. Now, a main part of the show isher using the map to get to a certain location, using landmarks on the way to know she's on the right path. (Example: River, Forest, Dora's House)

Now please, tell me why someone is allowed to wander all over the place with a freakin' MONKEY, talking to inanimate objects, and NOT EVEN KNO HOW TO GET BACK TO HER OWN HOUSE!!!!


HAHAHAHA!!!!

(I actually love this show, and think that it is great for children. I just found this funny.)

Not That Any Of This Matters Anymore...

It was so long ago...BUT:

Remember how I said that best friends will do things that hurt their friends, and not care...well how ironic that in that near area of time, SOMEONE I thought was my best friend stupidly tried to break up me and Daniel. IT"S NOT GOING TO WORK!!!!!! My baby knows I love him, and he is not going to believe some ramblings from a girl he barely knows! Good try though...


The worst part of it is that she LIED! To him, to ME! When I asked her about what had been said during the IM conversation between Daniel and her, she lied, repeatedly, and semi-convincingly. Fortunately (for me) I had been there for part of it, and had went back and read the entire thing before talking to her. She completely flipped it around when she talked to me, saying that Daniel had suspected everything, and asked her specific questions. All she did was answer yes or no.

THIS IS NOT HOW IT WENT...all he did was ask a small question to which he already knew the answer. Once she gave in and answered that one, she seemed to get pissed at me all over again for some stupid shit that I thought we had worked out, and started blurting out whatever she could think of. But when I asked her, she lied...all while saying that she loved me and didn't want to ruin our friendship...if I hadn't been so hurt, confused, and pissed, I would have laughed at everything.


It's so retarded...but whatever. I am a kind and forgiving person by nature, so as long as I am secure in my relationship with Daniel, and I know he loves me, and isn't going to believe something ridiculous from a stranger, I CAN LET THIS PASS.

(And to this "friend" : before you get all pissed, notice that I DID NOT USE YOUR NAME THEREFORE YOUR REPUTATION IS STILL CLEAN...or rather I should say that I didn't hurt it...)

To My Faithful Readers

Now that I am aware that people actually do read my blog, and actually leave comments (YAY!!!), I guess I should make an effort to keep it up over the summer. I rareky will have Internet access for the next few months, and so I will utilize the opportunities I have...


What is there to say...

...well I had a dream last week which I may post later (I typed it up as soon as I woke up, but it's saved on my computer at home). Crystal (the friend formerly known as Christina) helped me to interpret it, and I guess what we came up with was that there is some changes going on in my life, perhaps some conflicting sides, and I am very frustrated at things that were once simple. Honestly, you could make that work for just about any situation...kind of like horoscopes...but I do see what it could be pointing at...

...it's too bad that dreams only tell you what's going on, and not how to fix it or what will happen in the end.

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So...what have I been doing things vacation...well, I'm trying to have a rummage sale this weekend, but it'll prolly rain. It's been so rainy lately. That's OK though. I like rain. Sun is nice too...as long as it's not unbearable hot. I might be able to wash my car if it stays nice. I've been spending alot of time with Daniel, Crystal, and Tyler lately. That's been fun. I've also been talking to David almost every day. I got to baby-sit Michael overnight last week. That was awesome. He was actually helping me unpack my stuff from college, and he behaved really well for me (alot better than he does at his house!). I have been watching Punk'd alot, too. Ashton is really hott...

Well i'm gonna go take my doggie for a walk...BUHBYE!!!!

I'm Just Saying...(WARNING: This Is A Rant)

It's so funny (in a non-comical way) how there seems to be this chain going....boyA dumps girlA for someone else, girlA is heartbroken. new girlB dumps boyA for loserB that fucked her over once before. boyA is heartbroken. loserB dumps girlB again. girlB is heartbroken. what can we learn from this...


NOTHING!!!! Nothing except for the ironic fact that that's how life works. You hurt others and others hurt you. Even the ones that you thought you could trust. Humans are selfish and evil in their nature...They may not always do the thing that benifits them, but they will usually hesitate to do something that hurts them, even if they know it will help a friend. At nikki's funeral, the pastor guy said that there was only a few people in the church who would have been willing to take nikki's place. That is sadly true. While her friends loved her, most wouldn't have died for her. Most wouldnt die for me, or you. I quote a Simple Plan song now: "Thank you for showing me that best friends cannot be trusted" I'm not saying that you cant trust your friends...I'm just saying that at some point, they will hurt you, and they'll know it, and they WONT CARE!!!! It is a fact of life...


TO MY BEST FRIENDS: I LOVE YOU GUYS....(lol as if that means anything right now...)

Why Does God Take Those Who Have not Yet Had A Life?

My only guess is that He wished for someone so high-spirited to spread her light and happiness to the pure souls in Heaven, rather than on us corrupted beings. I will see you again some day, Nikki...


In Memory of
NICHOLE MARIE BUSSARD
July 5, 1988 - May 9, 2005

The odd thing is that last night, I had a dream that I went back to my college, and she was there, and she was very much alive. I told her what happened, and to be very careful if she gets in to a car. This is odd, because this was a couple days after she died, and because she doesn't even go to my college. We went to high school together.

This whole thing is really freaky, too, because this same thing almost happened to Jon and Terry a few months ago...they also were in a car accident and were also thrown from the vehicle...but by some miracle they survived. I am very thankful for that...I dont know what I would have done had they not made it. However, I wonder for what reason they were allowd to live, and Nikki wasn't...

my fiance...

why doesnt he undrstand me? whenever i try and explain anything to him, he doesnt get the point, but instead just goes on about something else....some small little thing i may have said. he always misses the stupid point. why does he always have to make me feel like a little kid? just because he's almost 22 and im only 19, and just because he has a fulltime job he thinks that he's so much better than me. for god sake, im in college for a reason. its so that i can have the life i want sometime down the road. its not that i love the idea of moving a long ways away, taking out loans, and spending all my time studying. i want to have a good job that i enjoy when i grow up so that i can have a good life and support a family. and now that schools over for the year, i want to have a blast this summer but i know its gonna suck because i wont be able to do anything, and its because of him. he'll want me with him whenever hes not working, and if anything cuts in to that time by even an hour or two, he will get pissed. even when he's working, he'll wanna know what i was doing, and then destroy all the fun i had (if i even manage to have any) by letting me know how stupid he thinks it was. its like he just wants me to be a boring fucking adult and just do nothing. he doesnt realize that adults are allowed to have fun, too. or maybe he does, but it always has to be with your partner. im not supposed to be with anyone but be with him all the time. he doesnt seem to want me to have friends. he doesnt want me to have any fun unless it includes him. just because he has no life or friends doesnt mean that us normal people cant...

and just because im two hours away, he automatically assumes im cheating on him. his reasons are bullshit. they are because im far enough away that he wouldnt know, and because i dont call him very much. both of those also apply the other way around. i have just as much reason to accuse him of it as he does me, but i think they are pathetic reasons, and i trust him. he thinks that just because i have friends and stuff that i am not mature enough to get married. excuse me, but i dont think he is either. he doesnt even fucking trust me. he doesnt understand how the emotions of normal people work. he makes me feel like shit all the time. he makes me feel controled, and like i cant do anything without his approval. its so bad that when someone asks me for my opinion on something, im so surprised that i dont know what to say. im not used to making my own decisions. i mean, ya, he asked me what i think, but its never the right answer. he'll even go as far as to let me think that he agrees with me, and let me be relieved that i said the right thing, only to tell me after its all over with that he was pissed about what i said. i shouldnt have to live like this...

but i love him so much. believe it or not, he is very sweet to me. he's the one im destined for, i know it...dont even try to make any judgements about this...trust me, you dont know enough to have that right...i have already said enough about him on this blog, if you look at the correct posts, and there is nothing left for me to say in his defense. he just has his faults, as does everyone...it just so happens that his faults are tearing me apart...

WHAT A FUCKING RIP OFF!!!

The NUMBER ONE SUCKIEST thing about being a college student:

Spending almost $400 at the start of the semester on books that you rarely (if ever) open, and getting $7 back at the year-end buy-back...


...true fucking story

I just now finally got around to listening to Simple Plan's latest CD, and for no particular reason, this is my new favorite song ever by them:

How Could This Happen To Me

I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white line.
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight
And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain

*CHORUS*

How could this happen to me
I’ve made my mistakes
Got nowhere to run
The night goes on as I’m fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just want to scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody’s screaming
I’m trying to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I want to start this over a gain
So I try to hold
On to a time when
Nothing matters
And I can’t explain
What happened and I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’t

*CHORUS*

I’ve made my mistakes
Got nowhere to run
The night goes on as I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just want to scream
How could this happen to me

Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

My favorite book has been made into a movie, and it comes out tomorow. I'm sure that I won't get to see it for a few weeks (Watertown is slow sometimes) but ya...I hope it doesn't suck. I'm sure though,, after reading the book series, the movie will be a dissapointment...it always is that way, you know...


***Interesting Tidbit
If you go to google, and search for "the answer to life, the universe, and everything" the google calculator will answer "42" (you really must read the books to understand this...)

The Answers To All Life's Important Questions

Click here for the answer to all of your questions, according to Shaggy

A Reminder About The Disclaimer...

I appreciate the concern shown towards be as a result of some of my previous posts. I would just like to remind everyone that this site comes with a disclaimer, and for good reason. I used to have a diary when I was younger. My "friends" kept finding and reading it, and because of that, I became unable to put my thoughts and feelings into a tangible form for fear that they would be read. I am finally getting over that. I understand that the point of this blog is for it to be read, and I love that there are at least two people who read it (haha). However, I ask you all (both) to remember that what I may say at one point may not be how I feel ten minutes later. I post things that are in my head, and this is a daring move, as there were lots of oppurtunities for upsetting alot of people. Luckily, none of them read this...

Anyway, my point (it's in there somewhere...) is this: I am going to try really hard to not let anyone or anything prevent me from using this blog as a ventilation place. Writing out my thoughts makes them more sorted, real, and able to be shared with others in an organized and permament form. In regards to my previous and future posts, don't think too much on them. If I have such a serious problem, I do know enough to talk to someone about it. Remember, I was talking to David last time...true, it was the talk that we had which lead me to that point, however, had I been set on killing myself, he have had a much harder time stopping me. The look on his face when I just mentioned it was enough to make me remember that I am loved. I know that I am blessed with a bunch of friends, and I know that the world is full lots of things that I would never want to leave.

I'm Starting To Understand How Harry Felt...

When Harry Potter first arrived in at Hogsmeade, he is following Hagrid around town to collect all of the things he needs for school. Imagine yourself as a small boy in an unknown place, speed-walking as fast as you can to keep up with the leisurely pace of the giant man leading you around. All you can see are his broad shoulders and a mass of long hair bobbing way up in the air in front of you. You try to keep up, not wanting to become lost without him...

This is how I felt today. Ryan, a boy in my Wellness class, and I both had some worksheets missing. Our teacher gave us a workbook and told us to make copies of the ones we needed. Ryan offered to make copies for me, and so I was following him across campus, into a building, up stairs, down stairs, down the hall, and all over the place to find the copy machine that he knew how to use. I couldn't help but laugh to myself, because I really felt like I was Harry and he was Hagrid.

It is such a good thing that I was able to get those worksheets made, though. As you made have noticed, I am a bit stressed about school right now...I am getting a C in at least one class (horrible by my standards) and my Algebra class...don't even talk to me about it!! I have been falling behind in all my classes, actually. Except for English. I may have really disliked my teacher, but his toughness has forced me to go to class (each subsuquent absense from now on results in an automatic deduction of one letter grade from my semester grade!) and therefore do all the assignments and be prepared. Math on the other hand...ya...thought it was easy, stuff I did in 8th grade. All I had to do was show up for tests. Well to keep it simple, IM FUCKED!!! He won't let me make up the test I missed, and I'll have to study/reveiw my ass off to get an A on the final. That's a high mark to shoot for, but it's my only hope in passing the class. Its a requirement, and I am not gonna allow myself to have to pay for it again, damnit! Plus I'm deathly afraid of losing my Opportunity Scholarship, which requires a cumulative GPA of 3.0 or above (never a problem before!!) I feel like such a fucking retard. But this last week, I have actually been getting things accomplished. I am almost caught up all my classes (math is the only one lagging now). I just have to remember that studying for the finals is crucail at this point. Thankfully, all of my friends feel the same way, and even the ones that aren't in school want me to do well, and so there shouldn't be any interferences.

Well, I've wasted enough time now. I'd best get back to work!

Kids Say The Darnest Things...

Working at a day-care, I hear alot of interesting things...

While pushing two girls on the swings...

Aerial(age 3): You've got fat boobies, right?
Me: What?!
Aerial: You've got fat boobies.
Me: Sure...
Aerial: My mommy and my daddy do, too. I don't. Not 'til I grow up, right?
Me: Yup!
Brittany(age 5): I have a swing-set...

(I don't know what's funnier...the fact that Aerial's mommy and daddy have "fat boobies" or Brittany out of nowhere..."I have a swing-set...")

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Emily, age 2, was laying in my lap with her blankie. I was cuddling and tickling her, and at one point, I said:

Me: I've got my Emily, all wrapped up in a blanket!

Emily (pushing the blanket away with a look of terror and betrayal on her face): I'm not wrapped up in a blanket. I'm just a regular human!

(where does she get this stuff?? One day, she was like "My apologies to my mother!!". I wasn't there that day, so I dunno why she said it, but its still cute!)

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Carter, at age 1, is at the stage when everything goes in his mouth. He walks up to me with a very plain looking green and yellow plastic boat bath toy in his mouth.

Me: Hey Carter, what you eatin?

Carter (very matter-of-factly): A boat. (at this, he toddles away...)

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Emily (while spinning around in circles to the music): I'm too little to rock and roll.

Me and David got a fishy. It's a betta (of course). Its the most beautiful blue I have ever seen!! We were both freaking out about it, so Kristy got it for us in addition to the one she picked for herself. I hope he realizes that he has full responsibility of it over the summer...

I'm thinking about naming it Tiberious ( I know, I'm strange...its some name I heard in History of Western Civilization class...)

We could call it Ty...that's not a strange name...

Random Quote From Kristy

Hey! Why's your dick caved in? - Kristy (to her son while changing his diaper)

Why Is Everything So Funny At 3:00 am??

Last night, David and I were sitting in my car talking, and suddenly I felt a draft. Note that the word "draft" sounds "giraffe". That was fucking hilarious last night! We just kept repeating the two words and laughing insanely at the fact that that we couldn't tell which one we were saying...

Ya, I know. We're crazy. Also note that "mule" backwards is "elum".
I won't even try explaining the hilarity behind this word, because it is impossible for anyone but David to understand it...

It's A Beautiful Day?

I guess we will wait and see if that holds true...School almost over...dunno what to think about that. I like being in Aberdeen with my friends, but I feel obligated to go home. That's it. I don't like going home. If my dad and Daniel moved to Aberdeen, I would never go home. There's other people I like to see from home, but they can come up here for a change, dangit!! I am also starting to get really irritated with certain people up here, so maybe going home is a good thing. I dunno...I guess I just have to concentrate on finishing school and passing...summer vacation is inevitable so I'll just take things as they come. I have to go meet with my advisor to make my schedule for next fall, so buhbye.