Still Hate Money

Or rather my personal lack of it..

I looked online at my balance in my checking account. Turns out that rather than just one overdraft charge, they keep charging me every day or two, whatever amount they feel like, for keeping a negative balance. It's like a freaking credit card. They just keep screwing me and making it even harder to catch up. And to whoever left the comment last time, I AM LOOKING FOR A JOB!!! I had one in Aberdeen through school, but at home for the summer is another story. I had a good interveiw last week, but I haven't heard back from them yet. It's gonna take my first paycheck just to get a positive balance. IM SO PISSED!!!!!!! I'm so glad that I am going to college, so that I can hopefully have a real job when I grow up, so that my kids don't have to live way under the poverty level like I've had to do all my life.

Favorite Songs Of The Moment

As of May 31:

Incomplete - Backstreet Boys
Just A Lil Bit - 50 Cent
Behind These Hazel Eyes - Kelly Clarkson (WHY????)
BYOB - System of a Down

Updates

Well, I still haven't seen H2G2 (Hitchhitcker's Guide to the Galaxy). I don't think it's in theaters anymore...oh well. I was gonna buy it when it came out no matter what. AND GUESS WHAT?! Daniel bought me a new computer, and it plays DVDs, so now I can watch my movies (my at-the-time BRAND NEW DVD player "mysteriously" stopped working while "sitting untouched" at school when I went home for the weekend during first semester...) so I have been without for awhile, so I'm pretty excited right now.

My rummage sale kinda sucked. Well, in the sense that I sat outside for 4 hours and still had two boxes full of stuff to pack up and bring back inside. Even when I left the tables unattended for an hour, no one even wanted to steal anything...It was OK, though, I guess. I made about $20 because I sold 4 larger items. No one bought my books...I guess no one likes Goosebumps or Babysitter's club anymore. Even the used book store in Watertown won't take them. I was smart though, and I took all the books they would take there, and ended up with $10 store credit. Hopefully they will get some Douglas Adams books that I don't have yet. (HINT for my birthday: Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul)

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AND WHY, ON BLUE'S CLUES, DOES BLUE LIVE WITH STEVE, BUT MAGENTA HAS HIS OWN HOUSE??? (Is magenta a boy? Blue is a girl, I'm fairly certain. Crap! Why don't I know these things???) -----> This is what makes Nickelodeon so thought provoking. MY MIND IS BEING STIMULATED TO THE POINT OF ORGASM!!!!!!

This Is Educational TV?

OK, so I'm watching Dora The Explorer (it's early in the morning and I have had two cups of coffee)

Anyway, Dora's mom is having a baby, and Dora and boots need to get home. Now, a main part of the show isher using the map to get to a certain location, using landmarks on the way to know she's on the right path. (Example: River, Forest, Dora's House)

Now please, tell me why someone is allowed to wander all over the place with a freakin' MONKEY, talking to inanimate objects, and NOT EVEN KNO HOW TO GET BACK TO HER OWN HOUSE!!!!


HAHAHAHA!!!!

(I actually love this show, and think that it is great for children. I just found this funny.)

Not That Any Of This Matters Anymore...

It was so long ago...BUT:

Remember how I said that best friends will do things that hurt their friends, and not care...well how ironic that in that near area of time, SOMEONE I thought was my best friend stupidly tried to break up me and Daniel. IT"S NOT GOING TO WORK!!!!!! My baby knows I love him, and he is not going to believe some ramblings from a girl he barely knows! Good try though...


The worst part of it is that she LIED! To him, to ME! When I asked her about what had been said during the IM conversation between Daniel and her, she lied, repeatedly, and semi-convincingly. Fortunately (for me) I had been there for part of it, and had went back and read the entire thing before talking to her. She completely flipped it around when she talked to me, saying that Daniel had suspected everything, and asked her specific questions. All she did was answer yes or no.

THIS IS NOT HOW IT WENT...all he did was ask a small question to which he already knew the answer. Once she gave in and answered that one, she seemed to get pissed at me all over again for some stupid shit that I thought we had worked out, and started blurting out whatever she could think of. But when I asked her, she lied...all while saying that she loved me and didn't want to ruin our friendship...if I hadn't been so hurt, confused, and pissed, I would have laughed at everything.


It's so retarded...but whatever. I am a kind and forgiving person by nature, so as long as I am secure in my relationship with Daniel, and I know he loves me, and isn't going to believe something ridiculous from a stranger, I CAN LET THIS PASS.

(And to this "friend" : before you get all pissed, notice that I DID NOT USE YOUR NAME THEREFORE YOUR REPUTATION IS STILL CLEAN...or rather I should say that I didn't hurt it...)

To My Faithful Readers

Now that I am aware that people actually do read my blog, and actually leave comments (YAY!!!), I guess I should make an effort to keep it up over the summer. I rareky will have Internet access for the next few months, and so I will utilize the opportunities I have...


What is there to say...

...well I had a dream last week which I may post later (I typed it up as soon as I woke up, but it's saved on my computer at home). Crystal (the friend formerly known as Christina) helped me to interpret it, and I guess what we came up with was that there is some changes going on in my life, perhaps some conflicting sides, and I am very frustrated at things that were once simple. Honestly, you could make that work for just about any situation...kind of like horoscopes...but I do see what it could be pointing at...

...it's too bad that dreams only tell you what's going on, and not how to fix it or what will happen in the end.

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So...what have I been doing things vacation...well, I'm trying to have a rummage sale this weekend, but it'll prolly rain. It's been so rainy lately. That's OK though. I like rain. Sun is nice too...as long as it's not unbearable hot. I might be able to wash my car if it stays nice. I've been spending alot of time with Daniel, Crystal, and Tyler lately. That's been fun. I've also been talking to David almost every day. I got to baby-sit Michael overnight last week. That was awesome. He was actually helping me unpack my stuff from college, and he behaved really well for me (alot better than he does at his house!). I have been watching Punk'd alot, too. Ashton is really hott...

Well i'm gonna go take my doggie for a walk...BUHBYE!!!!

I'm Just Saying...(WARNING: This Is A Rant)

It's so funny (in a non-comical way) how there seems to be this chain going....boyA dumps girlA for someone else, girlA is heartbroken. new girlB dumps boyA for loserB that fucked her over once before. boyA is heartbroken. loserB dumps girlB again. girlB is heartbroken. what can we learn from this...


NOTHING!!!! Nothing except for the ironic fact that that's how life works. You hurt others and others hurt you. Even the ones that you thought you could trust. Humans are selfish and evil in their nature...They may not always do the thing that benifits them, but they will usually hesitate to do something that hurts them, even if they know it will help a friend. At nikki's funeral, the pastor guy said that there was only a few people in the church who would have been willing to take nikki's place. That is sadly true. While her friends loved her, most wouldn't have died for her. Most wouldnt die for me, or you. I quote a Simple Plan song now: "Thank you for showing me that best friends cannot be trusted" I'm not saying that you cant trust your friends...I'm just saying that at some point, they will hurt you, and they'll know it, and they WONT CARE!!!! It is a fact of life...


TO MY BEST FRIENDS: I LOVE YOU GUYS....(lol as if that means anything right now...)

Why Does God Take Those Who Have not Yet Had A Life?

My only guess is that He wished for someone so high-spirited to spread her light and happiness to the pure souls in Heaven, rather than on us corrupted beings. I will see you again some day, Nikki...


In Memory of
NICHOLE MARIE BUSSARD
July 5, 1988 - May 9, 2005

The odd thing is that last night, I had a dream that I went back to my college, and she was there, and she was very much alive. I told her what happened, and to be very careful if she gets in to a car. This is odd, because this was a couple days after she died, and because she doesn't even go to my college. We went to high school together.

This whole thing is really freaky, too, because this same thing almost happened to Jon and Terry a few months ago...they also were in a car accident and were also thrown from the vehicle...but by some miracle they survived. I am very thankful for that...I dont know what I would have done had they not made it. However, I wonder for what reason they were allowd to live, and Nikki wasn't...

my fiance...

why doesnt he undrstand me? whenever i try and explain anything to him, he doesnt get the point, but instead just goes on about something else....some small little thing i may have said. he always misses the stupid point. why does he always have to make me feel like a little kid? just because he's almost 22 and im only 19, and just because he has a fulltime job he thinks that he's so much better than me. for god sake, im in college for a reason. its so that i can have the life i want sometime down the road. its not that i love the idea of moving a long ways away, taking out loans, and spending all my time studying. i want to have a good job that i enjoy when i grow up so that i can have a good life and support a family. and now that schools over for the year, i want to have a blast this summer but i know its gonna suck because i wont be able to do anything, and its because of him. he'll want me with him whenever hes not working, and if anything cuts in to that time by even an hour or two, he will get pissed. even when he's working, he'll wanna know what i was doing, and then destroy all the fun i had (if i even manage to have any) by letting me know how stupid he thinks it was. its like he just wants me to be a boring fucking adult and just do nothing. he doesnt realize that adults are allowed to have fun, too. or maybe he does, but it always has to be with your partner. im not supposed to be with anyone but be with him all the time. he doesnt seem to want me to have friends. he doesnt want me to have any fun unless it includes him. just because he has no life or friends doesnt mean that us normal people cant...

and just because im two hours away, he automatically assumes im cheating on him. his reasons are bullshit. they are because im far enough away that he wouldnt know, and because i dont call him very much. both of those also apply the other way around. i have just as much reason to accuse him of it as he does me, but i think they are pathetic reasons, and i trust him. he thinks that just because i have friends and stuff that i am not mature enough to get married. excuse me, but i dont think he is either. he doesnt even fucking trust me. he doesnt understand how the emotions of normal people work. he makes me feel like shit all the time. he makes me feel controled, and like i cant do anything without his approval. its so bad that when someone asks me for my opinion on something, im so surprised that i dont know what to say. im not used to making my own decisions. i mean, ya, he asked me what i think, but its never the right answer. he'll even go as far as to let me think that he agrees with me, and let me be relieved that i said the right thing, only to tell me after its all over with that he was pissed about what i said. i shouldnt have to live like this...

but i love him so much. believe it or not, he is very sweet to me. he's the one im destined for, i know it...dont even try to make any judgements about this...trust me, you dont know enough to have that right...i have already said enough about him on this blog, if you look at the correct posts, and there is nothing left for me to say in his defense. he just has his faults, as does everyone...it just so happens that his faults are tearing me apart...

WHAT A FUCKING RIP OFF!!!

The NUMBER ONE SUCKIEST thing about being a college student:

Spending almost $400 at the start of the semester on books that you rarely (if ever) open, and getting $7 back at the year-end buy-back...


...true fucking story

I just now finally got around to listening to Simple Plan's latest CD, and for no particular reason, this is my new favorite song ever by them:

How Could This Happen To Me

I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white line.
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight
And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain

*CHORUS*

How could this happen to me
I’ve made my mistakes
Got nowhere to run
The night goes on as I’m fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just want to scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody’s screaming
I’m trying to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I want to start this over a gain
So I try to hold
On to a time when
Nothing matters
And I can’t explain
What happened and I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’t

*CHORUS*

I’ve made my mistakes
Got nowhere to run
The night goes on as I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just want to scream
How could this happen to me