my fiance...

why doesnt he undrstand me? whenever i try and explain anything to him, he doesnt get the point, but instead just goes on about something else....some small little thing i may have said. he always misses the stupid point. why does he always have to make me feel like a little kid? just because he's almost 22 and im only 19, and just because he has a fulltime job he thinks that he's so much better than me. for god sake, im in college for a reason. its so that i can have the life i want sometime down the road. its not that i love the idea of moving a long ways away, taking out loans, and spending all my time studying. i want to have a good job that i enjoy when i grow up so that i can have a good life and support a family. and now that schools over for the year, i want to have a blast this summer but i know its gonna suck because i wont be able to do anything, and its because of him. he'll want me with him whenever hes not working, and if anything cuts in to that time by even an hour or two, he will get pissed. even when he's working, he'll wanna know what i was doing, and then destroy all the fun i had (if i even manage to have any) by letting me know how stupid he thinks it was. its like he just wants me to be a boring fucking adult and just do nothing. he doesnt realize that adults are allowed to have fun, too. or maybe he does, but it always has to be with your partner. im not supposed to be with anyone but be with him all the time. he doesnt seem to want me to have friends. he doesnt want me to have any fun unless it includes him. just because he has no life or friends doesnt mean that us normal people cant...

and just because im two hours away, he automatically assumes im cheating on him. his reasons are bullshit. they are because im far enough away that he wouldnt know, and because i dont call him very much. both of those also apply the other way around. i have just as much reason to accuse him of it as he does me, but i think they are pathetic reasons, and i trust him. he thinks that just because i have friends and stuff that i am not mature enough to get married. excuse me, but i dont think he is either. he doesnt even fucking trust me. he doesnt understand how the emotions of normal people work. he makes me feel like shit all the time. he makes me feel controled, and like i cant do anything without his approval. its so bad that when someone asks me for my opinion on something, im so surprised that i dont know what to say. im not used to making my own decisions. i mean, ya, he asked me what i think, but its never the right answer. he'll even go as far as to let me think that he agrees with me, and let me be relieved that i said the right thing, only to tell me after its all over with that he was pissed about what i said. i shouldnt have to live like this...

but i love him so much. believe it or not, he is very sweet to me. he's the one im destined for, i know it...dont even try to make any judgements about this...trust me, you dont know enough to have that right...i have already said enough about him on this blog, if you look at the correct posts, and there is nothing left for me to say in his defense. he just has his faults, as does everyone...it just so happens that his faults are tearing me apart...