Baby, Baby

In the last few weeks, I have really been stuck in a rutt. I guess I'm just really annoyed with life in general. I have no motivation. In the back of my mind, I know why I'm living. I know why I'm going to school. Everything I do is in preperation for my future family. But I'm kind of an instant-gratification type person. School is annoying. My job is annoying. Everything is annoying. I feel like everything is useless right now. I feel like I'm just existing. Going to class and work are annoying little bumps in my useless existance. I really don't know how to express what is going on in my head. But I have figured out what the only solution is.

Give Me A Reason To Grow Up!!

¤Living for my kids. Helping them to learn. Taking them to the zoo, the park, anywhere! Spending time with them. Being there for them.
¤Running my house. My own house! Not someone's parent's house. Lounging around in MY living room. Doing laundry in MY washing machine. Washing dishes in MY sink.
¤Working at my CAREER, not just some shitty part time job. Working regularly, not just once in awhile. Getting a nice paycheck that allows me to do more than pay a couple bills.


Let's get this damn college out of the way!!! I mean, I TOTALLY love Aberdeen, andI love the friends I have made at school. I am so happy that I chose NSU. I'm really glad that I decided to go to college, beause if I didn't, I would be stuck at some loser job for the rest of my life. Talk about a buzz kill! But as it is, I have alot to look forward to. It's just hard to keep reminding myself about that when I am stuck waiting for at least two more years. *sigh*

Even my subconscience has been thinking about whole making-a-baby thing. A few weeks ago, I had a dream that I had a baby and we named him "Nero". I had never even heard of that name before! In, fact, I didn't even know it was a real name until about 5 minutes ago when I looked it up at www.babynames.com. A couple nights ago, I had another dream that I had a baby and this time his name was "Damian Luther". Damian is a name that Daniel and I chose, like, 2 years ago. We aren't quite sure on the middle name, but that's OK. We have at least 2 more years before we need to worry about that too much.

Dude, I'm scared to start planning a wedding though! There's so many little things to think about and plan! I'm so glad that Daniel's mom and I get along so well. She will help me figure it all out! Daniel and I already picked out our colors. Midnight blue, Black, and Silver. They look so beautiful together! And they are the colors that we ended up wearing to all 3 proms that we went to. Plus, they match Daniel's truck. *smile* I don't know who will all be in the wedding though. In addition to the best man and maid of honor, I want two sets of bridesmaids/groomsmen. I'm almost certain that the Crystal and Brian will be the m.o.h/b.m. but as for the others? I would like Stacy to be a brides maid, but I haven't decided on the other one. And I have no idea who Daniel will choose as groomsmen, especailly now that he is pissed at Travis (Travis promised Daniel that he would be in his wedding, then changed his mind). I wouldn't mind Levi being in it. He's cool. As for the children, I would love Michael to be the ring bearer. Flower girl? Hmmm...I'll have to think about that one, too.

Wow...this post ended up alot longer than I thought it would!! I guess that's what the boredom of Easter Break does...