Saturday, May 20, 2006

And You All Think We Are Dorks Now!

Traci Novy. My best friend in middle school and high school. Hadn't seen her in two years until this last week. She moved to Denver, but she was back around these parts for graduation. I spent all day yesterday with her...we looked through some old photo albums. That was great fun.

And the highlight of the night?

Well, back in 2000, when we were in like, 8th grade, she stayed at my house and we "had fun with daddy's new video camera".

Lmao...I just had to say it like that...again! (I love when I'm in a room full of people, and I say something without thinking about how its going to sounds...)

So anyways...Traci suddenly remembered that one night long ago, we had spent the night hopped up on Mountain Dew and Lucky Charms, and that we had been messing around with the camera. So we fished out the tape and watched it. Neither of us had any freakin' clue what was on that tape. Maybe we should have preveiwed it before we played it for my dad, Tyler, Crystal, and Roy (who were all present when we decided to watch it). OMG. We were so dorky!!!! It was funny as hell, though.

My Life Is A Pit Of Despair

I am so depressed all the time. All I want to do is sleep...I used to have my dreams for the future to fall back on, but now I don't even care about them. I don't care about anything...Sleep sounds good...I wonder if I would regret not waking up...*ponders*

Friday, May 12, 2006

Hey...You're That Guy That Called Me Stupid!

Jesse had this theory that supossedly would make a terrific ice breaker, as well as cause a stranger to think about you for a few weeks.

"During freshman orientation, you go up to some hot chick and you just look her straight in the eyes and tell her that she is stupid. That's all. Then you leave. She will just keep thinking about you all the time, wondering who you are, and why you called her stupid. So then a few weeks later, you talk to her again and tell her your name, and that you don't think she's stupid anymore."

Interesting...Thing is, it actually works. Sort of. I think. The first time I ever talked to Jonathan, I called him stupid. I'm not sure if he really tought about me at all, but that was our first smigeon of interaction. Then, at a party last week, we started talking again...this time it was either because I was intrigued by the color of his beverage, or else because I was wearing kitty ears. *shrugs* Either way, I'm glad to have met him. Too bad he's moving to Pittsburgh *tear*.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

I Have Fallen Off The Treadmill Of Life And Landed On The Scratchy Rug Of Reality Current

You know, I really don't feel that way at the moment. I mean, I did for several weeks. I honestly don't recall right off hand if I ever properly blogged about it or not, but in any case, I certainly don't feel up to it at the moment. The feeling hasn't gone away, mind you, it's just been shoved under the couch for the time being. I am actually quite happy right now. Well, maybe happy isn't the right word. Sad? Is that better? Maybe..it's complicated.

To attempt to clarify, I am looking at starting my 3rd year of college in the fall, and I am finally starting to talk to the people that I had always wanted to be friends with. I am finally being outgoing. I am finally going places rather than just sitting around waiting for fun to find me. And in top of that, alot of my friends, both old and newly aquired, will not be on campus next year for various reasons. It's sad, really. And then, there's a few people who all year, I wanted to get to know them. And now, in the last couple weeks of school, I'm finally starting to talk to them. I made plans to switch to a different dormitory to be around my new friends, and now alot of them are leaving. A few of these people whom I just got the balls to befriend are now changing schools. It was just like that in High School, too. As soon as I got the guts to talk to so-and-so, they graduated or moved away. *deep sigh*

I suppose I really shouldn't be all that hung up about it...I mean really, are those people even going to think about me in a few years? Doubtful. And realistically, I will move on, and the inevitable sense of emptiness will fill back up with new friends. And in the end, what matters in my life is my future family. All the little things that matter now, gaining the attention of an attractive guy, making friends with a cool girl, and a handful of other insignificant things, they just don't matter.

What do I really want out of my college experience? I want to enjoy myself. I want to earn a degree in Elementary Education. I want to keep the friends that I have while meeting new ones along the way. I want to be myself (once i figure out who that is...)...

Bah. I'm on the verge of getting into it again. (Shuttup, Jaymz...no one wants to hear you ramble). Fine. I'll make it short.Well, every day is a chance to make improvements, and while I see the changes I would like to make, and I am aware of what I stand to lose if those changes are not made, I lack the motivation. (Well you're a fuckin' moron, then, because at the rate you're going, the only way you will understand the consequences of not becoming motivated, is to lose it all, and at that point, it will be too late.) I know! I KNOW, OK??

Well I would love to say that this summer, and next school year, will be different. I would love to say that I am ready to grow up, ready to accept responsibilities, and ready to do what I deem necessary for my continued existance. But the truth is that I have no hope at this point.
So back to what I was saying before...I am definately saddened by several things, most of all by the tangled web I weave, and moreso by my tendancy to keep it tangled just enough to make my life interesting enough to continue participating in. But I blame no one but myself for that. Now for the reason that I said I was happy. Well, I'm not sure. I just am. Perhaps it's because it's the last week of school and (I'm not going to say what you're expecting, so keep reading) I am dreading the summer. I think that since I know that this is the last week in Aberdeen, the last time in three months (or forever) that I will see most of my friends, I am inadvertabtly disallowing myself to be sad (besides the other day in Subway when I nearly broke down in tears because I was going to miss Stacy so much).

---------3.5 hours later---------

OK...wow...I have to be honest here, cuz I don't know what else to do. It is now 2:00 AM and I have no freakin' clue what I was doing for the last 3 and a half hours, but somehow I forgot about this post! So I guess I'm done with whatever I was talking about....

Friday, May 05, 2006

The Angelness!!



Angel Marie]x[May 2nd 2006

My brand new little niece person.

Monday, May 01, 2006

It Might Almost Be Easier to Throw All My Stuff Away And Rob Target In The Fall...

So...in two more weeks, it will be time to pack up all my junk from my room and head home for the summer. Besides the unpleasantness of having to pack up several months worth of junk to bring home, theres also the fact that I, myself, will be home. Ugh.

I rather like Aberdeen. Alot. And I like my friends up here. I don't wanna go back and have to live at Daniel's house with his whole freakin' family. I love them, but living there is getting increasingly annoying.

1. Their mom whines around about being a "slave", but she does it to herself! She always insists on making everyones food, doing everyones laundry, doing this and that for everyone. Then she whines about having to do it. Argh.

2. She hates my cat, just cuz its black. Fuckin' racist. She thinks that any time anything gets spilt, knocked over, or unsettled at all, its automatically Trixie's fault. I have seen her cat, Buddy, climb the curtains, climb the windows, knock stuff over, lick the dishes, and do all kinds of stuff. But if mom didn't see it happen, it must have been Trixie.

3. Mom's idea of training the kittens is to tell them, an hour later, what they did wrong. And maybe smack their butt. Erm...its not like a kid. You can't go up to them and be like "rememeber when you did this? that was not nice." You have to punish them immediately, or they wont know what they did wrong. Me and Daniel rarely see Trixie misbehave, cuz she knows what is not OK to do around us. Evidently, she doesn't give a crap what mom thinks, since she's *always* missbehaving around her.

4. I used to feel welcome at Daniel's house. Not so much anymore. And I want to be independent instead of getting waited on all the time, especailly since his mom likes to throw it back in our faces later on. But I don't feel comfortable acting like its my house. I only make my own food and do my own laundry when no one else is home 'cuz that's the only time i feel comfortable. So now, all damn summer, I will be stuck in an unwelcoming house, feeling like I must stay in Daniel's bedroom. Yay for summer...

So I guess that I really got of topic, huh? What I was really planning on going on about is how I don't want to have to pack all this shyt up into my car and take it home.

On a happier note, I'm gonna have my own room next year! WOOT!! I have no problem with 1/2 of the people I have roomed with. I just do not enjoy having a roommate. I am used to having my own room, and I rather like it. Here's another list:

1. Having my things where I like them.

2. Getting up without worry of disturbing anyone

3. Going to bed without feeling like I'm inconveniencing anyone

4. Having music or a movie on when I want noise

5. Have quiet when I want quiet

6. Privacy

7. Time to be alone



Absolutely no disrespeky to Crystal! I would much rather live with her than anyone else. And I'm really glad that her, Stacy, and I got rooms right near each other next year. Crystal summed it up nicely..."We can see each other whenever we want to, without being forced to."