How Cruel Is Fate?? Cruel Enough To Take My Father From Me Right Before Father's Day...

Standing by his hospital bed in his last few moments, I was shaking so uncontrollably. I hate the feeling you get when someone has passed on. I am no stranger to saddness. I cry alot; at least once a week, usually more. But the difference is that most of the things that plague my mind are reversable. Changable. Temporary. Death is one of those things that are so definate. With most things, my mind runs itself in circles trying to figure out what needs to be done to make things right, and how unlikely it is that I will ever do those things. I can usually peg my problems on myself, knowing that I brought the problems on myself, at least partially. Its depressing, but at the same time, I find comfort in knowing why it happened. But this - this wasn't my fault. This just happened. So I don't know what to think. And there is no way to change it. I felt - I feel - so helpless.