Things I Have Learned From The Ones Who Love Me

I am irresponsible.
I am horrible with money.
I am boring.
I need to loosen up and have fun once an awhile.
I need to grow up because I still act like a 6 year old.
I will have to move to Omaha to teach because everyone in SD thinks I'm a child molester.
I can't cook, I can't clean, I can't do anything right at all.
I can't remember anything, ever.
I am controlling and want to run everyone else's lives, even though I can't control my own.
I am nothing but a lair whom no one can trust.
I am a backstabbing bitch.
I am a complete idiot who is totally ignorant about everything.
I don't care about anyone but myself.

Gee....I suck!!! Why am I even still alive? If I was really that horrid, I don't think I should be allowed to live and ruin the lives of all these PERFECT PEOPLE.

I don't know what to think here...I can see a bit of truth in most of those things, but all my shortcommings get blown waaay out of proportion. And my gosh...if this is what I get from my friends and family, what do my enemies think about me?? I'm scared to even ask! I just wanna cry my eyes out sometimes, because I KNOW I'm a failure. I know that I have changed, and I don't like it. I used to be so understanding, so considerate, I was nice to everyone no matter what, and always gave them a chance. I helped people when I could, and I was fair to everyone. But then I was told that I was a pushover. I was too nice. People used me. Alot. And I didn't like that. So I tried sticking up for myself. I got a backbone. I stopped letting people get away with walking all over me. But then I was called a bitch. People stopped liking me. They thought I was angery, or mad at them, or something. I lost friends. I don't like that, either. And now I don't know who I am. I set goals. I get told I will fail. I do fail. I can't ever get anything accomplished because I have it stuck in my mind that I am just going to fail anyway. And I'm too damn proud to ask for help. The people I am close to, the people that I would usually go to, they all think that I am some ignorant loser, and to me it seems like if I go to them for help, especailly if its for something that I shouldn't need help with, well that just confirms everything they thought. I am on the fucking verge of losing everything that ever meant anything to me, and I am just quitely spinning out of control. I'm on the losing path, and I have no clue how to set it right. Everything I have tried has failed.

Oh?

While laying in bed...

Daniel: *yelling at an unknown body part* DAMMIT! Stop itching! If you itch one more time, I'm going to scratch your ass back to the park!
Me: WHAT?!
Daniel: *embarrased/groggy* Nothing. I was talking.
Me: I noticed...
Daniel *whining* Stop agreeing with me...

10 Minutes With Kitty

Kitty is licking my finger.
Kitty is being placed on bed.
Kitty is trying to help me type.
Kitty is again being placed on bed.
Kitty is climbing onto my shoulder.
Kitty also smells like an orange.
Kitty is once more being placed on the bed.
Kitty is now licking my shirt.
Kitty has decided, now, to chew on my shirt.
Kitty has moved to the back of the desk and is chewing on/attacking a cup full of pens.
Kitty has hopped down an buggered off.
Exit Kitty.
*3 minutes later*
Kitty is back and and staring at me.
Kitty has now turned into a back massager.
Kitty is crawling ever so gently from the back of the chair to my shoulder to the desk.
Kitty continues to smell like an orange.
Kitty is now forming a bridge.
Kitty is on my lap, intently watching me type.
Kitty is chewing on my thumbnail.
It is very hard to type.

Did I mention that Kitty likes the Powerpuff Girls?

meow

Me and Daniel got his mom a new kitten. She named it Buddy. It's so cute! When I get back to school, I will post a picture of it. (The cord that transfer's the pics from the camera to the PC is in my dorm room).

Bob: *brings in a ham wrapped in selofane*
Krystal H: Did you just cut that off the steer?
Bob: No. That's how I thought it would come off the steers though.
Crystal K: You thought they would be hams?
Bob: No. I thought they would come out wrapped in selofane, with all the plastic they ate!

I HATE YOU...(AS WELL AS A FEW OTHERS)

Have you ever disliked someone sooo much that hearing their name makes you cringe? Hated them so much that knowing they are in the same building as you makes you want to throw things? Completely despised them so much that hearing their voice, their laughter, their fucking annoying laughter, makes you want to just go out there, bash their bloody face in, and give them something to cry about? You just want to smack the shit out of anyone who happily looks at her and smiles, and thinks she is the most wonderful thing ever...or even tolerable for that matter.

It's not that I didn't hate the last childish conniving little bitch that my brother went out with - Sam. She was like 14 or something and she was way to immature for him and all she did was fuck with his head because she knew that she had him wrapped around her ugly little finger. She was the snottiest, bitchiness, most disrespectful, two-faced little bitch I have ever had the displeasure of not being able to avoid meeting. And the worst part of it is that I knew what she was all about way before my brother ever met her, and I tried telling him and mom that, but did they believe me? Well no...After her true colors were revealed, mom insisted that she always hated her, but I know she didn't.

Next...To elaborate on a previous post, Nicole Webster is a immature *** and whatever else I called her. She seemed so nice. She had us all fooled. Even me. Just barely though...But ya then she breaks up with my brother, calls him all the time, tells him to come see her, says that she just needs time, gives him false hope time and time again that they might get back together, and then puts a restraining order on him just because he came to her work and brought her a fucking chicken sandwich. According to the papers she filled out, she was "scared for her life." She "didn't know what he would do next." He "threatened" her with flowers and a teddy bear. The part that really got me was this: my brother's best friend happens to be a cop. Naturally, my brother talked to his friend about how things were going with Nikki. On the papers, Nikki wrote "a member of the police department has talked to him about this, and yet nothing has changed." GO TO HELL, YOU MANIPULATING LITTLE BITCH. And she was so fucking immature about the whole ordeal...there is no way that I can even begin to express to you what extent of immaturity she reached. And then, at court, he's sitting there about to cry, sick to his stomach, scared shitless about what she is going to say to the judge, nervous because he thinks the judge will favor her because she's a girl, and Nikki is setting there, flipping her hair around, giggling like a schoolgirl and pissing the judge off. She drops the charges, just like that. She leads him on, scares the shit out of him, then acts like nothing happened. Even if he doesn't hate her for this, I sure do. And if I ever see her ugly ass again I'm going to kick the shit out of her. BITCH!!!!

So now, back to the little wench I was initially talking about - Jenny. She's a little hoe-bag. A fucking little slut that knows how to suck up to parents and teachers. She thinks she is the awesomest person in the world. And I swear, if mom falls in love with her, I'm going to scream. If she becomes part of the family just like that, I'm going to fucking kill someone. There is no fucking way that I can stand the idea of her weaseling her ass-kissing little nose into my life, and my family, and I'll kill her before I'll ever call her my fucking sister.

I Am A Horrible Friend

I never call anyone. I don't even think about it. And then when they call me, they tell me that I should call them. Yet I never do. I'm so inconsiderate. Im an inconsiderate, forgetful meanie.

Llama In A Car

I love this picture. I just wonder how it happened.

My Dad, The Squirrel Lover

Note: The following dialogue is not neccessarily what was actually said. It is, however, bloody well close enough.


I am at my dad's house when I notice that on the table, there is a medicine jar full of what looks like almonds. Now, I'm fairly certain that I think I see almonds in the jar only because next to it on the table are a few loose almonds.
Me: Dad. Is that medicine jar full of almonds?
Dad: Ya.
Me: Why????
Dad: I can't eat them. I like to put them on the stump out there [in the yard] and let the squirrels eat them. *demonstrates*
Me: *laughing*
Dad: Of course, I haven't been able to get out there lately. There are two more pill bottles full of them somewhere around here. *starts searching for them*
Me: You know, someone is going to see you out there and think that you are trying to drug up the squirrels.

If you know my dad, you will understand two (2) things. One, that this whole thing was ALOT more funny to those who witnessed it personally, and Two, this sort of behavior is completely natural. If you also know me, you will realize a third thing, that being that you now understand where I get my personality from.

What A Day! (Scowling Tire Repair Men and A Member Of The Police Force Offering To Hand Me Over To The Dominoes Guy In Exchange For A Pizza)

Today I went and had my car tire fixed. They made me drive it up onto one of those little ramp thingies. I have this perpetual fear that I will menuver myself off of the track and my car will tumble the whole, what, 6 inches, to the ground and the rail will smash everything under the car. So that was scary. Then they took off the lug nuts and smacked the tire with a big mallet looking thing. It fell off and what was left of my car reminded me of a broken Hot Wheel car. My parental instinct kicked in and I was tempted to look for the missing wheel and throw the rest of the car away. This is not a safety issue. Obviously, the removal of one wheel is not going to make the car small enough to swallow. It just looks junky. Well I'm getting off the subject. They ended up replacing some valve and glueing some beads. What are beads doing in a car tire? Ignore my ignorance. I only today found out that car tires dont have tubes in them like bike tires do.

Just recently (as in, like, 20 minutes ago), the Dominoes guy showed up to bring Crys and I our pizza. David and Patrick were here, and for some odd reason, Patrick felt compelled to do away with me. He says to the pizza guy "I'm gonna make a deal with you. Do you have a girlfriend?" "Ya." the guy says. "Dammit." says Patrick. "I was gonna say you take her *points to me* and I'll take the pizza." Keep in mind that the pizza was not for him in the first place. Neither am I. Therefore, the exchange of said goods is not under his discression. *shrugs* It was funny though.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Speaking of days, Crystal was having one today, too. And good thing, too, as it really made mine and Evan's enjoyable.

~~In the Econo parking lot, said individual screamed at an old guy for walking too slow.
~~In Kesslers, said individual quietly freaked out on a group of old people for walking next to each other and taking up the entire walking space in the isle.
~~In the tire place, said individual made rude comments about the nice man who lent us a tank of air. (correction: this man scowled at me. fucker.)
~~Said individual displayed numerous fits of road rage. *sneeze* (sorry...I am developing a cold)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Said individual has now lost her mind and will not stop laughing.
Said individual is now leaking from the eye sockets.

Notable Annoyance of the Day

You know, I really hate when someone constantly thinks that they are the center of everyone else's world. Examples:

"Oh my god...they just said "starving." I always use that word. I really hate when people steal my words. I guess I can't even say that word anymore..."

"Did you see him? He just looked at me. You know what else? I see him every monday in my 9:00 class. And I also see him in my dorm building and in the cafeteria. He is stalking me."

Its ridiculous. And then your afraid to ever compliment them because they'll think you're yet another person who wants to be them. You dont want to agree with them because that will "prove" that you want to think just like them.

grrrr

Heh

Me: Do you smell like laundry detergent?
Ian. Possibly. I had a disaster. My shirt is crispy.

Its Hard To Find Good Help These Days

Me: Get me some turkey.
Crystal: *gets turkey*
Me: Now I need some bread.
Crystal: *gets bread*
Me: What do we have to put on here to make it taste better?
Crystal: We have ketchup and Ranch dressing, master.
Me: Get me the ketchup.
Crystal: *gets ketchup* (bowing) Anything else master?
Me: No. You are dissmissed.
Crystal: *walks toward door with a hot dog*
Me: I didn't say you had to leave.
Crystal: I'm going to go cook my hot dog, master.

A few moments later

*knock on the door*
Me: Come in.
Crystal: *walks in with a floppy hot dog* *walks toward me and starts waggeling it in my face*
Me: DO NOT STRIKE YOUR MASTER WITH A FLOPPY HOT DOG!!!!!!
Crystal: Sorry master. It will not happen again. *looks at feet*

The Return And Punishment Of The Fork That I Burnt My Tongue Upon

"In case you wnder why there's a fork over here "going against the grain", it's because I'm keeping an eye on that fork."
-Crystal

Have You Ever Bought A Pair Of Jeans And Found A Rock In The Pocket?

Not a pebble, mind you, but I'm talkin' a big 'ol rock!
Cuz I have...



And furthermore, have you ever had so much fun doing laundry??
Last night/this morning, Jon gothified me against my will. He just suddenly pulled out his make-up and brushes and demanded me to "come hither." I probably could have held my refusive stance if he hadn't fuckin' looked at me like that. I hate him...(or not).
You know how some people can just give you this look and you like, melt and surrender to their will? Ya, he does that to me...
So as all this is going on, Ian is on the washing machine being all...well...being Ian. There are no words to describe this phenomonon.
Jon starts fixing my hair up. He decides that my bangs are uneven and too long, so he asks if he can chew part of it off so it will be even. I figured he would maybe chew through the tips of a few strands. Nope! He took off about 3 inches of a noticable section on each side.

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!!!!

At first I thought it was going to totally suck...Once you hit 16, no one really cares about your birthday anymore. Plus, Daniel wasn't here to give me my birthday spanking (or anything else, for that matter...*wink*).

So they picked today to have the Kramer gift exchange party. It was also a "going away party" for Raelyn, one of our RA's that is going to be graduating this year. I understood that there was to be food at this party, so I wandered over there. I stood there and watched people open gifts for a bit when this girl came in. She had no one to exchange gifts with. I was like "You should give it to me. It's my birthday." I was kind of joking...But she did! It was Easy Mac. Pretty convenient considering the only reason I went down there was because I was hungry.

So I was just chillin' in my room when Raelynn walks in and succeeds in convincing me to come back down to the lobby. When I walked in, everyone started singing "Happy Birthday" and I was handed a piece of cake.

Yay! *does a little dance*