My tummy hurts so freakin bad right now. I think it's half gas and half Kevin. The gas is self explanatory- we've all been there. But Kevin, I'd like not to explain too much. But basically, he's this really attractive Korean guy that goes to my school, and I was all school-girl giggly over him a couple times and my friend now has me convinced that he (Kevin) thinks I'm a psychotic stalker and that he will avoid at all costs. I tried to console myself by telling me that he has never saw me be all giggly, and furthermore has only seen me like 3 times, and so I highly doubt he thinks anything of the sort. He probably has no idea that I think about him in that way. I am sure he has forgotten my name already, and assumes I've done the same. (forgotten my name...?)
However, as I explained to my friend only an hour or two ago, my confidence is uber fragile and I am easily put into the state of mind that I am inferior, pointless, and basically just taking up space. And so I sit, vowing to never mention his name again, and to never allow my eyes to gaze upon his handsome face, just to prove to him (and my friend) that I am not obsessed. I honestly want to cry right now, but it's like, have you ever felt like you had no purpose, nothing you did mattered, and you wanted to cry, but then thought what's the point. Even my tears have no purpose. They aren't going to change anything, except make everyone know how insecure I am.
Well, I'm down in the computer room right now. I got up and left when my friends weren't looking, and they are probably wondering where I went (actually, they probably just took my purse and left) but anyway, the second Lord Of The Rings movie will be starting soon, so I'm gonna head back upstairs.
Friday, September 10, 2004
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